This site really hit home - http://migraine.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/10/beyond-kittens-beyond-angels/ and this one: http://www.thedailyheadache.com/2008/01/migraine-thief.html/%20You live with migraines and sometimes you do limit your life because of them. Sometimes you still try to get out when you know when one is coming, because you refuse to let a headache rule your life. It works sometimes but a lot of times, it doesn't.
There ARE times you soldier on and try not to talk about it and try to ignore it. It's hard when the migraine makes it hard to hear and hard to see all the hustle and bustle around you. You really really wish for your quiet dark bedroom with a cold washcloth and meds to help. And yes, I avoid action movies as much as I can and sometimes kids' movies, because I know I can't handle the flashing lights and movement and sound. Talk about asking for trouble.
The issue is that some people understand that a migraine or cluster headache is incredibly painful and you can't talk during one and can't listen. The sound increases the pain. I have been at the store when one hit and wanted everyone around me to just shut up. Even people behind the counter. And good grief, turn out the lights - why must it be so bright. It's not that you don't care in your heart and head, but at that time, you really can't care because it's taken over. Emily Dickinson once wrote - "pain is eternal" and she was right - while you are in pain, it feels eternal, even if you know in your head it will end.
Mindfulness meditation speaks to that too - to use that method of meditation, you focus on what you physically feel at that moment. How does your leg feel the chair under it or how do your glasses feel against your skin? Stuff like that. It brings you to the present moment and if you practice, you can stay in the present moment and it alleviates emotional or mental stress. Just like dogs and cats, all you have is the present moment during mindfulness meditation, if you are good at it. Try it - concentrate on what you physically feel right now - how does your shirt feel against your skin? Is it soft or is is crisp? Notice how you can't think about anything else if you are concentrating on the physical in that very moment. It helps with handling stress but it just reinforces how physical sensation overrides everything else. Of course your mind will wander but you can easily bring it back by thinking of something like how your feet feel in your shoes or something. I know there's deeper stuff to it, but that's what I remember.
That premise of physical sensation overriding the mental or emotional state can also derail you too, if the sensation is pain, like a migraine. It's very very very hard to overcome - can be impossible. I am experiencing cluster headaches lately (for 2 months!) and it's changed my personality to a degree. I am mean and I don't like that at all. But I can't handle people being dumb and I can't hide it right now. So that's another reason to hibernate and isolate yourself until you can be nice again and be yourself again.
Cluster headaches are the worst - they are short, which sounds ok, but they sneak up on you and the bam! the right side of your head, incuding the back of your head, your cheekbone and your teeth on that side are being attacked by an ice pick. It lasts ten minutes or so and goes away, but you know it's coming back and you don't know when. Probably not long. They come in clusters, duh and can recur for days and weeks and months.
I just found out that I have a lot of allergies which could be contributing to them. So I'm doing allergy shots, Zyrtec and Omnaris. I'm also taking a different migraine preventative, Tegretol. We'll see. I hope it all works. So far, I have had continuous dull pain but only rare ice pick moments since I started the Tegretol. It's an anti-seizure med for epilepsy, which is weird, but my PCP said that migraines are a type of seizure. My sister took Tegretol her whole life due to epilsepsy until her brain surgery in 1999,which removed the part of her brain scarring that caused the epilepsy. She still takes it but on a much smaller scale. It feels like the forbidden medicine to me, since I was told firmly to stay away from her medicine as a child. But it it works and I'm 42 now, so don't you think I should be past that?
I get to work and my eyes water and my head hurts, so I guess I'm allergic to something here. A lot of people here are cat people and I'm really really allergic to cats. Don't know what to do about that. The other problem is that some people have never had a migraine and don't get it. Those people you want to bonk over the head. Really. I'm thinking of carrying a sledgehammer with me. No, not really. Just a play stuffed sledgehammer toy that I have for some reason.
