Migraines and life

This site really hit home - http://migraine.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/10/beyond-kittens-beyond-angels/  and this one: http://www.thedailyheadache.com/2008/01/migraine-thief.html/%20You live with migraines and sometimes you do limit your life because of them. Sometimes you still try to get out when you know when one is coming, because you refuse to let a headache rule your life. It works sometimes but a lot of times, it doesn't.

There ARE times you soldier on and try not to talk about it and try to ignore it. It's hard when the migraine makes it hard to hear and hard to see all the hustle and bustle around you. You really really wish for your quiet dark bedroom with a cold washcloth and meds to help.  And yes, I avoid action movies as much as I can and sometimes kids' movies, because I know I can't handle the flashing lights and movement and sound.  Talk about asking for trouble.

The issue is that some people understand that a migraine or cluster headache is incredibly painful and you can't talk during one and can't listen.  The sound increases the pain. I have been at the store when one hit and wanted everyone around me to just shut up. Even people behind the counter.  And good grief, turn out the lights - why must it be so bright. It's not that you don't care in your heart and head,  but at that time, you really can't care because it's taken over. Emily Dickinson once wrote - "pain is eternal" and she was right - while you are in pain, it feels eternal, even if you know in your head it will end. 

Mindfulness meditation speaks to that too - to use that method of meditation, you focus on what you physically feel at that moment. How does your leg feel the chair under it or how do your glasses feel against your skin? Stuff like that. It brings you to the present moment and if you practice, you can stay in the present moment and it alleviates emotional or mental stress. Just like dogs and cats, all you have is the present moment  during mindfulness meditation, if you are good at it. Try it - concentrate on what you physically feel right now - how does your shirt feel against your skin? Is it soft or is is crisp?  Notice how you can't think about anything else if  you are concentrating on the physical in that very moment.  It helps with handling stress but it just reinforces how physical sensation overrides everything else.  Of course your mind will wander but you can easily bring it back by thinking of something like how your feet feel in your shoes or something. I know there's deeper stuff to it, but that's what I remember.

That premise of physical sensation overriding the mental or emotional state can also derail you too, if the sensation is pain, like a migraine.  It's very very very hard to overcome - can be impossible. I am experiencing cluster headaches lately (for 2 months!) and it's changed my personality to a degree. I am mean and I don't like that at all. But I can't handle people being dumb and I can't hide it right now. So that's another reason to hibernate and isolate yourself until you can be nice again and be yourself again.

Cluster headaches are the worst - they are short, which sounds ok, but they sneak up on you and the bam! the right side of your head, incuding the back of your head, your cheekbone and your teeth on that side are being attacked by an ice pick. It lasts ten minutes or so and goes away, but you know it's coming back and you don't know when. Probably not long. They come in clusters, duh and can recur for days and weeks and months.

I just found out that I have a lot of allergies which could be contributing to them. So I'm doing allergy shots, Zyrtec and Omnaris. I'm also taking a different migraine preventative, Tegretol.  We'll see. I hope it all works. So far, I have had continuous dull pain but only rare ice pick moments since I started the Tegretol. It's an anti-seizure med for epilepsy, which is weird, but my PCP said that migraines are a type of seizure. My sister took Tegretol her whole life due to epilsepsy until her brain surgery in 1999,which removed the part of her brain scarring that caused the epilepsy. She still takes it but on a much smaller scale. It feels like the forbidden medicine to me, since I was told firmly to stay away from her medicine as a child.  But it it works and I'm 42 now, so don't you think I should be past that?

I get to work and my eyes water and my head hurts, so I guess I'm allergic to something here. A lot of people here are cat people and I'm really really allergic to cats. Don't know what to do about that. The other problem is that some people have never had a migraine and don't get it. Those people you want to bonk over the head. Really. I'm thinking of carrying a sledgehammer with me. No, not really. Just a play stuffed sledgehammer toy that I have for some reason.

Granddad

Granddad - His obit says in brief  what a fascinating man he was. He was an avid genealogist, a writer, a history buff and a flirt. He was one of the smartest men I have ever known. My dad and my older brother are up there too.

He was funny, canny in a way that only an older Southern intellect can be and was very influential among the Knoxville Repbulican political arena. He was a Christian man who married well - when I say well, I don't mena that Grandmother was rich (she was not)  but she was smart and was the making of George Everett Mynatt. She was a Christian, feisty woman who raised three kids in the fear and admonition of the Lord, who turned around and did the same thing with their kids.

Granddad loved his family  - I always knew that he thought we were the best things in the world. I knew that he KNEW in his heart that we were the smartest, most intuitive family. After all, we were his people. It gave me a confidence in his love and faith in me that never wavered. I miss him to this day. He died in May 2004 with most of his family circled around his bed at the hospice that night. It was me, my parents, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins Lea, Patrick and Chris and at the end, my older brother.  My cousins Jim and John, my little brother and my sister and their families lived too far away.

We were lucky to have Granddad and I count myself fortunate to have had the experience of being his grandchild.
_________

George Everett Mynatt, 92, died Sunday, May 2, 2004. Born June 16, 1911, in Grainger County, he was the son of William H. and Susan Penelope Mynatt. Mr.
Mynatt came to Knox County when he was 17 to secure a job in a restaurant.

In 1940, he began working as a salesman for a flour milling firm, J. Allen Smith & Co. and in 1960, he formed his own business, Mynatt Brokerage Co. His food
brokerage firm was a factor in the Knoxville food market area for a number of
years. In recognition of his stature in the business field, he was elected by his peers to serve as president of the Knoxville Food Brokers Association. In
1972, Mr. Mynatt sold his company to retire.

Mr. Mynatt served as a delegate to the Tennessee Constitutional Convention called in 1971 to address the state's tax structure and his family said he was proud of the resulting plan that lowered taxes on residences within the state. From 1974 to 1999, when he again retired at age 87, he worked full time as an officer of the court for Knox County Criminal Court. A former deacon at Broadway Baptist Church, Mr. Mynatt was a founding member, treasurer and deacon at Second Baptist Church, and a current member of Central Baptist Church in Fountain City. According to his family, Mr. Mynatt had a wide interest in many things. In addition to his lifelong participation in the Republican Party, he served for years as chairman of the 31st voting precinct. His family said he had long been a student of his family's genealogy and was a recognized authority in this area. He was a member of Sons of the Revolution and First Families of Tennessee organization.

Island of Misfit Toys

For some reason, the Island of Misfit Toys has been on my mind today. I keep thinking about the 'Charlie-in-the-box" and the little doll with red hair -  I can't remember why she was on the island.  Don't we all sometimes feel like misfit toys in a land of perfectly-made toys?

Guess that's all I had to say in this blog.

Follow me?

I wonder if anyone will follow me? This blogging out into the ether is fun and i like posting aimlessly but it would be nice to talk with people who don't know me out there and don't have opinions about what I should or shouldn't say. Is anyone out there?

Any one read old Piers Anthony? Or Phillip Yancy?

Blah Blah Blah

I love the babble of blogging and saying whatever comes to mind.

In Thailand, I stayed in a lot because jet lag was cruel. I think next time; I will take a friend and allow way more time. It’s amazing that I’m saying next time, because until then, I said I hate traveling. And now I don’t. I hate the hurry up and wait. I hate leaving my dogs. I hate not having the money to do what I want.

But I do like seeing and experiencing different things.  I like seeing what’s around the corner and getting ideas about it. The whole scientific theory that I’ve talked about explodes in my mind when I think about that.

1.       Look at the culture, the people, the land, the politics, the kids, the clothes, the weather, whatever

2.       Think about why they are that way

3.       Test  your idea about why they are that way if you can

4.       Tell people about the test and what happened

I might be the only one who would do that or I might not.  Or my ideas that I get would probably be wildly different than others. But who cares. That’s why I’m me.

I was watching just a second of a history of America on TV the other night. It talked about Lincoln having been fascinated with steam boats and having moved mercantile on flat boats along the rivers to main thoroughfares.  It was mostly young white men who would pole the flat boats to the merchants and then break up the flat boats to sell for lumber once the cargo was sold off of them. Then they would hike back home, sometimes 800 miles.  Anyway, I made the connection because I was thinking about how people see things and how the person telling the story was African American. I wondered how that affected his point of view of view or his perspective on Lincoln.   My perspective must affect my opinion on Thailand and my theories that arise from thinking about the scientific perspective. How could it not?

I wonder if we ever get a true objective telling of what has happened in history- 500 years ago or five minutes ago.  I doubt it.  When you get to step 2 of the scientific theory – thinking about why something happens – it’s colored by your experience and your amygdala. Even twins who have almost the same experiences don’t have quite the same experiences.  

Would someone else who went to Thailand alone – another single American white female who had never traveled internationally before and has the same physical and spiritual background I have had the same experience or done the same things? Would she have slept as much? Or would she have watched as much? Or would she have talked more? Seen more and worked less?

Would she have spent more money or less money? Would she have seen the Golden Palace or been as fascinated with the sidewalk altars?